“Submit to My
Husband or Submit to God?”
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Dear Mr.
Wilson:
I am in a difficult situation. About
two years ago a coworker gave me a
copy of your little book, “Warning!
Revelation is about to be fulfilled.
Your explanation of the seven
trumpets, the full cup principle and
God’s Sabbath rest made sense to
me. I cannot explain the impact this
little book had on my thinking. It
was like a light bulb switched on.
Then, I read your book, Jesus:
The Alpha and The Omega and
numerous articles posted on your
website. Suddenly, a number of Bible
topics harmonized together in ways
that I did not anticipate or expect.
I am constantly amazed how everything
in the Bible fits together. The Bible
has become a new book for me. Things
are so much clearer now.
I was raised in a Pentecostal church
and my husband was raised in a
divided Baptist home (his mother went
to church, but his father was not
spiritually interested). After
marriage, we did not attend church
for a few years. One day, we were
invited by some neighbors to attend a
church service and after a few
months, we joined a Southern Baptist
church. My husband and I attended
numerous Bible study classes and
eventually, we became leaders in the
church. I resigned from my duties
this past December with the excuse
that I needed a break. Even though I
was a whole-hearted-born-again
Baptist for eighteen years, there
were things about church doctrine
that “quietly” bothered me.
I ignored these issues because we
were busy and we had an active church
life. I was happy and fulfilled being
a Southern Baptist until I read your
books. Now that I have spent a couple
of years investigating the Bible from
another perspective, I can see that
Baptists “cherry pick” the
Bible to make it say what we want to
believe. (In fact, it seems that all
Christians do this unintentionally
and this explains why Protestants are
so divided over what the Bible
teaches.)
As you know, Southern Baptists are
firmly opposed to the idea that
Saturday is God’s holy day, and
after studying and praying about this
topic for several months, I am
convinced that most Protestants,
including Southern Baptists, are
wrong about this. Even though I am
not a Bible scholar, I now believe
that Saturday is God’s holy day
and the historical change from
Sabbath to Sunday is easy to
understand. Of course, my friends
think I have become a legalist. But I
clearly understand that salvation
does not come through Sabbath
observance or for that matter, the
observance of any law, including the
Ten Commandments, because we are
saved through faith. It is also clear
to me that God writes His Ten
Commandments in our hearts when we
fully surrender to His will. Like
King David, I tell God, “I
desire to do your will, O my God; you
law is within my heart.”
(Psalm 40:8) I believe the fourth
commandment is as important as the
other nine and my observance of
God’s Sabbath has created a
serious problem in our marriage and I
don’t know what to do.
My husband does not understand what
has happened to me. He is a wonderful
man and we have three precious
teenagers. He is Scriptually
frustrated and socially embarrassed
because of me. At times he is angry
and other times sympathetic.
Obviously, our paths have diverged
and I am concerned about our
relationship and the impact this is
having on our children. Spiritually
speaking, I would say the main
difference between us right now is
that I search the Bible to discover
what it teaches rather than using a
few texts to defend what I was taught
to believe. Our closest friends are
also frustrated with me since I no
longer attend church. Relationships
with church friends are strained and
this annoys my husband. Two friends
told me that I should submit to my
husband’s will on religious
matters. They believe that I will
submit to his authority, God will
hold him – not me –
responsible for going against my
conviction. My husband agrees with
them. He thinks that I have become
rebellious (not living in submission
to his will) and legalistic (working
my way to Heaven). My husband
can’t see how the whole Southern
Baptist Church, including men like
the Rev. Billy Graham, could be wrong
about the holiness of the Sabbath. My
husband says that I have become a
stumbling block for our children and
since I no longer attend church on
Sunday, he says that I am violating
“the assembling of ourselves
together” on Sunday.
I don’t know if you understand
the emphasis and importance of wives
submitting to their husbands in the
Southern Baptist Church, but I need
help with Ephesians 5:22-24. My
husband uses this text to prove that
I am in rebellion. “Wives,
submit to your husbands as to the
Lord. For the husband is the head of
the wife as Christ is the head of the
church, his body, of which he is the
Savior. Now as the church submits to
Christ, so also wives should submit
to their husbands in everything.”
(Ephesians 5:22-24, emphasis mine)
How can I honor the Lord by doing
what I believe is right (observing
His Sabbath) without dishonoring my
husband who says I am not in
submission to his authority?
Thank you, Jennifer
Dear Jennifer:
Thank you for the e-mail. As I see
it, you and your husband have two
problems. You have a social problem
and you have a theological problem
and these two problems are
intertwined. If I understand
correctly, the two of you enjoyed
religious harmony for many years. You
went to church together, your closest
friends were church friends, and your
lives centered around the Baptist
church and its activities. Now,
because of your choices, there is a
big void in your husband’s life.
Your thirst for knowledge from
God’s Word and your willingness
to uphold the fourth commandment has
terminated your church life and
ruined your husband’s social
life.
When the totality of a marriage is
shattered by a spouse, the situation
can spiral into a meltdown, but it
doesn’t have to end that way. I
hope that you will do whatever you
can, both in words and actions, to
assure your husband and even though
you have undergone an unexpected
spiritual change, your love and
affection for him and your children
has never been stronger. Similarly, I
hope your husband will love you
enough to give you due consideration.
I hope he will listen to your
discoveries in the Bible by giving
you several heart-to-heart
opportunities to present your case.
Of course, he can’t read your
mind or understand your convictions,
but he should be able to eventually
understand your logic, your
sincerity, and your devotion to God
and His Word – even if he
honestly disagrees. Finally, even if
you end up agreeing to disagree on
religious matters, you can maintain a
good marriage by strengthening ties
that bond you together. Remember when
you were first married? Your lives
did not center around the Baptist
church and church friends, and I
assume you were quite happy with each
other before religion filled your
lives.
Equals in Salvation
The doctrine of wives submitting to
their husbands is complicated and it
is often distorted. Before I jump
into this topic, I need to highlight
two points. First, when properly
understood, the doctrine of
submission has nothing to do with
salvation. It has to do with
attitude. Second, the Bible teaches
that men and woman are equals when it
comes to Salvation’s process.
Please consider these seven
questions:
1. In terms of salvation, is there
any difference between God saving a
man and God saving a woman? No. As
sinners, males and females are
equals. We have the same need for a
Savior. At Calvary, Jesus redeemed
the whole world; this means
men as well as women. (1 John 2:2)
2. In terms of rebirth, is there any
difference between what is required
of a man and a woman to enter Heaven?
No. Men and women are equals.
Everyone has to be born again in
order to enter the kingdom of Heaven.
(John 3:5)
3. If a woman obeys her husband 100%
of the time, will her submission save
her from hell? No, women are not
saved through works (obedience) and
neither are men. Men and woman are
equals. Salvation comes through faith
for all mankind. (Ephesians 2:8,9)
4. Will a woman go to hell because
she was not submissive to her
husband? No. Wives are not
subservient to their husbands. Woman
and men are human beings. Human
beings have the ability to think for
themselves, make decisions, and take
action. Both have reasoning powers
and both are accountable to God for
their actions. A husband is not God.
In fact, the first commandment
requires men and women to love God
and to submit to God first! (Exodus
20:3, Matthew 22:37,38) Jesus is the
judge of mankind. He determines who
will be saved and lost. (2
Corinthians 5:10) Husbands have no
role in the judgment of their wives
and the opposite is also true.
5. Will a woman escape condemnation
if she obeys her husband rather than
God? No. If a woman chooses to
disobey God and obey her husband, she
has put her husband’s authority
higher than God’s authority and
this is blasphemy. When men and women
don’t do what they know is
right, God holds us accountable for
sin. (James 4:17)
6. Can a husband save his wife from
the penalty of sin? No. Can a wife
save her husband from the penalty of
sin? NO. Everyone has sinned. (Romans
3:23) Sinners cannot save sinners.
Sinners may help and encourage other
sinners to receive Christ, but that
is all sinners can do.
7. If a husband is saved, does this
mean his submissive wife will be
saved? No. God judges everyone as
individuals. (2 Corinthians 5:10,
Ecclesiastes 12:13,14)
After examining these seven points,
we are forced to conclude on the
authority of Scripture that in terms
of salvation, a husband and a wife
are equals. God treats men and woman
the same. Women do not need a husband
or a priest to represent them before
God. Like men, woman can boldly
approach the Throne of Grace on their
own. (Hebrews 4:16) Men and women
cannot provide salvation or take
salvation from each other. The bottom
line is clear: In matters of
salvation, men and women are equals.
If the doctrine of submission has no
bearing on salvation, what is its
purpose? The point of wives
submitting to their husbands and
husbands’ loving their wives as
Christ loves His church is
“happiness.” When a man and
a woman love each other
wholeheartedly – they desire
to get (or stay) married and live happily
ever after. As long as there is
mutual submission to each other,
there is happiness! But two sinners
cannot remain in mutual
submission very long, and this is the
root problem.
The Stature of Woman in
Paul’s Day
This isn’t the place to write an
essay on the suffrage and submission
of women, but history indicates that
no group of people has been
mistreated more than women. If you
understand the stature of women at
the time of Christ, study the
treatment of women under the former
Tailban government in Afghanistan.
When Jesus walked on Earth, women
were little more than a subculture of
slaves. They were not permitted to
own property, obtain an education, or
hold public office. They were not
permitted to speak publicly. If a
woman was brought before the Jewish
court (the Sanhedrin), one of the
judges was appointed to speak for
her. Woman were not deemed
intelligent enough to converse with
anyone other than their husbands or
other women, and no man wanted to be
publicly humiliated by an ignorant or
impudent wife. The point is that in
Bible times, a woman’s stature
was slightly higher than that of an
animal. Generally speaking, she was a
piece of “property” that
required a dowry (a payment to the
man who would take her), a domestic
slave, a means for procreation. These
details are important to understand
because the stature of women affected
Paul’s ministry and two thousand
years later, Paul’s treatment of
women is often misunderstood.
Because Christianity was born in the
cradle of Judaism, Paul was forced to
deal with a number of issues that
differentiated Christian doctrine
from Jewish doctrine. Paul’s
biggest problem when working with
Jews was that of differentiating
salvation through faith verses
salvation through works. The Jews
were so biased toward legalism in
culture and religion that teaching
salvation through faith to them was
almost impossible. Paul biggest
problems when working among the
Gentiles were their devotion to false
gods, the sophistry of Gnosticism,
their addition to sexual immorality.
Ads Jews and Gentiles joined the
Christian church; Paul faced a new
problem – the problem of getting
Jews and Gentiles to worship
together. For example, there was a
constant conflict over circumcision.
Gentile converts to Christianity
regarded circumcision as a barbaric
practice and unnecessary whereas
Jewish converts regarded circumcision
as a sign of God’s election and
necessary for salvation. There were
other issues such as eating meat that
had been offered to idols and sexual
immorality. Had it not been for the
unusual presence of Holy Spirit power
during the first century A.D., the
Christian church would have
suffocated in a sea of problems.
Early Christians found Paul’s
reasoning on various topics sometimes
difficult to understand, and early
on, Peter noticed a tendency to
distort Paul’s writing. “Bear
in mind that our Lord’s patience
means salvation, just as our dear
brother Paul also wrote you with the
wisdom that God gave him. He writes
the same way in all of his letters,
speaking in them of these matters.
His letters contain some things that
are hard to understand, which
ignorant and unstable people distort,
as they do the other Scriptures, to
their own destruction.”
(2 Peter 3:15.16)
The book of Acts tells us that Paul
traveled around the Roman Empire
setting up Christian churches.
Whenever a new church was formed,
Paul imposed a set of rules on that
church. These rules reflected (a)
Paul’s view of what church order
according to the gospel should be,
(b) Paul’s understanding of the
plight of women, and (c) Paul’s
recommendations to Jews and gentiles
who suffered persecution for
following Christ. These things are
said because many well meaning people
distort Paul’s writings today.
They take Paul’s writing at face
value, having no concern for the
time, place and circumstances. Such
an approach to Paul’s writings
is foolish, immature, and
unacceptable. When a person studies
the Bible, he is to understand what
was said, why it was said, where it
was said, to whom it was said, and
the circumstances under which it were
said. I am emphasizing this point
because Paul sometimes speaks for
himself and not for the Lord. Consider
the following three instances:
“To the rest I
say this (I,
not the Lord):
If any brother has a wife who is not
a believer and she is willing to live
with him, he must not divorce her.
And if a woman has a husband who is
not a believer and he is willing to
live with her, she must not divorce
him…. But if the unbeliever
leaves, let him do so. A believing
man or woman is not bound in such
circumstances; God has called us to
live in peace. How do you know, wife,
whether you will save your husband?
Or, how do you know, husband, whether
you will save your wife?
Nevertheless, each one should retain
the place in life that the Lord
assigned to him and to which God has
called him. This is the rule I
lay down in
all the churches.” (1
Corinthians 7:12-17, italics and
underlines mine)
“I
[Paul] do not permit a woman
to teach or have authority over a
man; she must be silent. For Adam was
formed first, then Eve. And Adam was
not the one deceived; it was the
woman who was deceived and became a
sinner.” (1 Timothy
2:12-14, insertion, italic, and
underline mine)
“I [Paul] also want women to
dress modestly, with decency and
propriety, not with braided hair or
gold or pearls or expensive clothes,
but with good deeds, appropriate for
women who profess to worship God. A
woman should learn in quietness and
full submission.” (1 Timothy
2:9-11, insertion, italic, and
underline mine)
The Necessity of Government
After Paul became a Christian, his
position on the necessity of
government changed. Whereas the Jews
were in a constant state of revolt
against the Romans (and the Jewish
nation was ultimately destroyed by
the Romans in A.D. 70). Paul saw the
hand of God working through all
governments even the Roman
government. He told the believers in
Rome, “Everyone must
submit himself to the governing
authorities, for there is no
authority except that which God has
established. The
authorities that exist have been
established by God.
Consequently, he who rebels against
the authority is rebelling
against what God has instituted,
and those who do not bring judgment
on themselves.” (Romans
13:1,2 italics and underlines mine)
This counsel was a hard pill for
early Christians to swallow because
the Romans hated the Christians just
like they hated the Jews. Let me be
clear: Paul is not suggesting in
Romans 13 that it was permissible for
a Christian to disobey the law of God
in order to obey Roman law. Never.
Man’s law is beneath God’s
law. (Acts 5:29) The higher law
always comes first. Paul means that
as far as possible, Christians are to
obey and respect the laws of their
government because government is
God’s creation.
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